Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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