Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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