her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
