I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize