Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
