I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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