I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
