dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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