What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
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It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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