took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
