So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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