he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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