You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
