Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
