I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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