I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
