The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize