Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
