my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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