this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
