Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
His nipple licking is glorious
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