One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
