You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Randomize
