Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
