we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
