Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
