I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
