He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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