The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
All the doctor said was why
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