saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Did I show you my penis last night?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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