im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Randomize
