So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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