My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
