Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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