My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
