At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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