i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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