so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
