Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
