Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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