sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
