What a fucking waste of an outfit
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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