Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I forget how to act sober
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