hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
