I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
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