So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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