whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
