Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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