Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
