he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
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Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
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He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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