Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
