I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
birth control should be required to get into college
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We have started to decorate penises.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
