we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
