I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
