Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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