tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Randomize
