Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
