RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
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When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
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You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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