I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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