jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
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