kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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