if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
