"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
