How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
