Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
