When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
