Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
