Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
