You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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