wanna go halves on a baby?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
