I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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