Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Randomize
